broken heart

written on march 26th, 2004, jeremy -- the day after

today i learned what it means to die of a broken heart. there is much more truth to this than one realizes and today was almost that day. last night i think i broke up with my boyfriend, but he said he's not leaving and things will look up so i guess we aren't separated yet. it hurts really bad. today i started feeling bad physically and collapsed. my heart rate had plummeted to below 20 beats per minute. that's not enough to sustain life. when i regained consciousness the emts were monitoring my heart rate and breathing which was also nearly non-existent. if it had happened away from the fire station, i might not have been here to write this. since then i have come close to passing out a few more times today. all during bouts of sadness.

i love him with all my heart and i'm sorry for all the grief i gave him.